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Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl Harriet Jacobs

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Mrs. Bruce, and every member of her family, were exceedingly kind to me. I was thankful for the blessings of my lot, yet I could not always wear a cheerful countenance. I was doing harm to no one; on the contrary, I was doing all the good I could in my small way; yet I could never go out to breathe God's free air without trepidation at my heart. This seemed hard; and I could not think it was a right state of things in any civilized country.

From time to time I received news from my good old grandmother. She could not write; but she employed others to write for her. The following is an extract from one of her last letters:--

    Dear Daughter: I cannot hope to see you again on earth; but I
    pray to God to unite us above, where pain will no more rack this
    feeble body of mine; where sorrow and parting from my children
    will be no more. God has promised these things if we are faithful
    unto the end. My age and feeble health deprive me of going to
    church now; but God is with me here at home. Thank your brother
    for his kindness. Give much love to him, and tell him to remember
    the Creator in the days of his youth, and strive to meet me in
    the Father's kingdom. Love to Ellen and Benjamin. Don't neglect
    him. Tell him for me, to be a good boy. Strive, my child, to
    train them for God's children. May he protect and provide for
    you, is the prayer of your loving old mother.

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These letters both cheered and saddened me. I was always glad to have tidings from the kind, faithful old friend of my unhappy youth; but her messages of love made my heart yearn to see her before she died, and I mourned over the fact that it was impossible. Some months after I returned from my flight to New England, I received a letter from her, in which she wrote, "Dr. Flint is dead. He has left a distressed family. Poor old man! I hope he made his peace with God."

I remembered how he had defrauded my grandmother of the hard earnings she had loaned; how he had tried to cheat her out of the freedom her mistress had promised her, and how he had persecuted her children; and I thought to myself that she was a better Christian than I was, if she could entirely forgive him. I cannot say, with truth, that the news of my old master's death softened my feelings towards him. There are wrongs which even the grave does not bury. The man was odious to me while he lived, and his memory is odious now.

His departure from this world did not diminish my danger. He had threatened my grandmother that his heirs should hold me in slavery after he was gone; that I never should be free so long as a child of his survived. As for Mrs. Flint, I had seen her in deeper afflictions than I supposed the loss of her husband would be, for she had buried several children; yet I never saw any signs of softening in her heart. The doctor had died in embarrassed circumstances, and had little to will to his heirs, except such property as he was unable to grasp. I was well aware what I had to expect from the family of Flints; and my fears were confirmed by a letter from the south, warning me to be on my guard, because Mrs. Flint openly declared that her daughter could not afford to lose so valuable a slave as I was.

 
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Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Harriet Jacobs

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