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Mr. Buffle's family were not liked in this neighbourhood, for when
you are a householder my dear you'll find it does not come by nature
to like the Assessed, and it was considered besides that a one-horse
pheayton ought not to have elevated Mrs. Buffle to that height
especially when purloined from the Taxes which I myself did consider
uncharitable. But they were NOT liked and there was that domestic
unhappiness in the family in consequence of their both being very
hard with Miss Buffle and one another on account of Miss Buffle's
favouring Mr. Buffle's articled young gentleman, that it WAS
whispered that Miss Buffle would go either into a consumption or a
convent she being so very thin and off her appetite and two close-shaved
gentlemen with white bands round their necks peeping round
the corner whenever she went out in waistcoats resembling black
pinafores. So things stood towards Mr. Buffle when one night I was
woke by a frightful noise and a smell of burning, and going to my
bedroom window saw the whole street in a glow. Fortunately we had
two sets empty just then and before I could hurry on some clothes I
heard the Major hammering at the attics' doors and calling out
"Dress yourselves!--Fire! Don't be frightened!--Fire! Collect your
presence of mind!--Fire! All right--Fire!" most tremenjously. As I
opened my bedroom door the Major came tumbling in over himself and
me, and caught me in his arms. "Major" I says breathless "where is
it?" "I don't know dearest madam" says the Major--"Fire! Jemmy
Jackman will defend you to the last drop of his blood--Fire! If the
dear boy was at home what a treat this would be for him--Fire!" and
altogether very collected and bold except that he couldn't say a
single sentence without shaking me to the very centre with roaring
Fire. We ran down to the drawing-room and put our heads out of
window, and the Major calls to an unfeeling young monkey, scampering
by be joyful and ready to split "Where is it?--Fire!" The monkey
answers without stopping "O here's a lark! Old Buffle's been
setting his house alight to prevent its being found out that he
boned the Taxes. Hurrah! Fire!" And then the sparks came flying
up and the smoke came pouring down and the crackling of flames and
spatting of water and banging of engines and hacking of axes and
breaking of glass and knocking at doors and the shouting and crying
and hurrying and the heat and altogether gave me a dreadful
palpitation. "Don't be frightened dearest madam," says the Major,
"--Fire! There's nothing to be alarmed at--Fire! Don't open the
street door till I come back--Fire! I'll go and see if I can be of
any service--Fire! You're quite composed and comfortable ain't
you?--Fire, Fire, Fire!" It was in vain for me to hold the man and
tell him he'd be galloped to death by the engines--pumped to death
by his over-exertions--wet-feeted to death by the slop and mess--
flattened to death when the roofs fell in--his spirit was up and he
went scampering off after the young monkey with all the breath he
had and none to spare, and me and the girls huddled together at the
parlour windows looking at the dreadful flames above the houses over
the way, Mr. Buffle's being round the corner. Presently what should
we see but some people running down the street straight to our door,
and then the Major directing operations in the busiest way, and then
some more people and then--carried in a chair similar to Guy Fawkes-
-Mr. Buffle in a blanket!
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