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|Right Ho, Jeeves||P. G. Wodehouse|
|Page 2 of 5||
"This Bassett business."
"What Bassett business?"
"Bertie," said Tuppy, "when you told me last night that you were in love with Madeline Bassett, I gave you the impression that I believed you, but I didn't. The thing seemed too incredible. However, since then I have made inquiries, and the facts appear to square with your statement. I have now come to apologize for doubting you."
"I asked her if you had proposed to her, and she said, yes, you had."
"Tuppy! You didn't?"
"Have you no delicacy, no proper feeling?"
"Oh? Well, right-ho, of course, but I think you ought to have."
"Delicacy be dashed. I wanted to be certain that it was not you who stole Angela from me. I now know it wasn't."
So long as he knew that, I didn't so much mind him having no delicacy.
"Ah," I said. "Well, that's fine. Hold that thought."
"I have found out who it was."
He stood brooding for a moment. His eyes were smouldering with a dull fire. His jaw stuck out like the back of Jeeves's head.
"Bertie," he said, "do you remember what I swore I would do to the chap who stole Angela from me?"
"As nearly as I recall, you planned to pull him inside out----"
"--and make him swallow himself. Correct. The programme still holds good."
"But, Tuppy, I keep assuring you, as a competent eyewitness, that nobody snitched Angela from you during that Cannes trip."
"No. But they did after she got back."
"Don't keep saying, 'What?' You heard."
"But she hasn't seen anybody since she got back."
"Oh, no? How about that newt bloke?"
"Precisely. The serpent Fink-Nottle."
This seemed to me absolute gibbering.
"But Gussie loves the Bassett."
"You can't all love this blighted Bassett. What astonishes me is that anyone can do it. He loves Angela, I tell you. And she loves him."
"But Angela handed you your hat before Gussie ever got here."
"No, she didn't. Couple of hours after."
"He couldn't have fallen in love with her in a couple of hours."
"Why not? I fell in love with her in a couple of minutes. I worshipped her immediately we met, the popeyed little excrescence."
"But, dash it----"
"Don't argue, Bertie. The facts are all docketed. She loves this newt-nuzzling blister."
"Quite absurd, laddie--quite absurd."
"Oh?" He ground a heel into the carpet--a thing I've often read about, but had never seen done before. "Then perhaps you will explain how it is that she happens to come to be engaged to him?"
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|Right Ho, Jeeves
P. G. Wodehouse
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